We haven't given my dad a place to permanently rest yet, and we keep his ashes in an urn in my mom's house. When he first passed, it was a great comfort to know that he was still in the house with us. Sometimes I would sit near the urn and stare at it, thinking that if I stared long and hard enough and wished enough he would walk through the front door. I miss listening for the key in the door so I'd know when to run downstairs and give him a hug. I miss hearing him laugh because if he was still here I wouldn't have to try so hard to remember it. I miss him coming in from working outside and being all sweaty and gross and chasing Sam and I around the house trying to rub his "stink" on us. I even miss him scolding Sam and I in the car when we couldn't agree on what music to listen to, and changing the station to something we both did not like.
I'm jealous of those who still have their fathers and mad at the ones who don't take advantage of it. I'm upset that I was a selfish teenager and didn't take advantage of spending all the time I could with my dad while he was here. I don't enjoy holidays like I used to because they'll never be the same again. I hate when people say it will just take time and things will get better. I don't want better, I want what I used to have. I want my dad and I want my family the way it used to be.
Soo…after all of that, I'm finally getting to the reason for the picture of day eight. It is supposed to be from a distance, and even though its not as far away as I would have liked it is so meaningful to me. My mom put up this small statue of a praying angel so we would have a place to go when we wanted to talk to our dad. My dad took forever to build this deck, and was so proud when he finished it. It was one of the spots he liked to work on the most. Actually, dad liked to work in the yard period….but I always saw him doing something by that deck. We believe he was working on the flowerbeds by the deck when he died, although we don't know for sure.
So in honor of fathers day and my dad, I wanted to post this distance picture. Dad, I love you and miss you every single day. I cannot wait for the day to reunite with you in Heaven. <3
Lens: John S.
Film: Blanko
Flash: Berry Pop
2 comments:
This made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to get over a loss of a loved one. It is even harder when they leave us at a young age. Jessica had posted about her grandpa and it made me wish he was here to meet you and see Amelia. You would have loved him. He was special. It sure makes me appreciate the time I have left on the planet. Love you!
Thank you. I'm sorry for yours as well. Chris talks about his grandpa all the time, and he sounded like such an amazing and kind man. It saddens me that two people who are very special to both our families aren't around to meet each other. I know that we are lucky to have had them in our lives because they played a major part of who we are today, but the selfish part of me still wants him around.
I loved the picture Jessica posted of her graduation. :-). We are both so lucky to have had people like that in our lives. I know that God truly blessed me with the Dad I had. I guess the best thing to do is to count my blessings instead of crying over the what would have beens. Love you too!
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